Dad and Women

Lately my 79 year old dad’s been having health concerns that require multiple doctor visits and tests. Since he can’t (or chooses not to) keep up with anything other than the football schedule, and his driving presents a danger to all on or near the road, I’ve been taking him to his appointments.

In the very first waiting room, an attractive and well-dressed woman somewhere near Pop’s age sat across from us and made conversation, clearly interested in him, almost flirting. She had a lovely smile and I liked her right away. Dad didn’t even notice the woman, barely replied and I doubt if he made eye contact. I did, smiling and chatting with her, but he was in his own world probably wishing he was anyplace but there.

Dad is no slave to fashion or convention. He was wearing a wrinkled dress shirt with paint on the sleeve, even though he owns a whole wardrobe of very nice clothes purchased by my stylish sister, because, he simply explained, he liked the shirt. His pants were three sizes too big, held up by a belt barely doing its job, cuffs dragging the floor. He carried a nice woolen sport coat, his proudest purchase from the nearby Goodwill store. His short white hair looked like he combed it sometime earlier in the week. He had taken a shower but there was little evidence of it. He has dentures but won’t wear them so you can picture that. And he’s about 125 pounds soaking wet, not tall and much too thin, probably from refusing to wear his teeth. He looks like a scrappy tramp, kind of like Red Skelton’s character minus the hat.

So why, I had to wonder, did this well-appointed woman pay so much attention to my dad? I wouldn’t think he’d be much of a good catch. I love my dad. He has many admirable qualities but none of them would have been apparent in the waiting room. Who wants to be Mrs. Skinny Hobo?

My mom did, I suppose, over fifty years ago.  She said he was a better looking fellow back then, very handsome and clean and always brushed his teeth. Hmm… makes me wonder what the other men were like. Anyway, Mom and Dad are still married but live life apart. She’s away in a nursing facility because she requires medical care around the clock. He lives alone in a small house not too far from us. But neither of them is looking for a replacement spouse. Dad says he loves mom and always will but the ring on his married finger looks nothing like a wedding band. Maybe that’s why he’s taken for an eccentric bachelor who might improve with extensive TLC.

On the way home, I asked Dad why he didn’t talk to the nice lady who was flirting with him. I told him he could have at least been polite. He looked at me like I was speaking Chinese. “Huh?” he said, surprised, “She was?” I pointed out the obvious and he looked out the window and said he hadn’t noticed.

I complained about the shirt with paint on it so Dad looked better at the next appointment. He still wouldn’t wear his teeth and hadn’t shaved but his clothes fit a little better and there were no paint spills down the sleeve. Sure enough, we hadn’t been in the waiting room two minutes before an elderly lady tottered in, sat down nearby and said hello. I gave Dad the elbow. “Seeee!” I whispered.

He looked up, gave a polite smile, and nodded off in his chair. I grabbed the back of his hoodie and held him upright until his name was called. I enjoyed talking with the sweet lady who was even prettier than the first one.

I’ll spare you the next account but the same thing happened, more or less. I doubt the lady noticed Dad’s pink, red and white socks above his sneakers and below the bottom of his pants that actually fit. Why he’s wearing ladies wicked-witch-of-the-east socks is no mystery. He said they felt good, just like going without teeth and wearing a painted shirt. I guess that explains a family picture from my childhood in which we only noticed as adults that Pop was wearing nice slacks, a fashionable men’s sweater, and mom’s flat pointy-toed shoes. They felt good.

The next appointment was just as entertaining. Pop wore an attention-grabbing Gators ball cap somebody gave him. It had a little alligator with big teeth embroidered on top that said, “Bite Me!” It went nicely with his sweat pants and dress shirt. And another lady paid attention to him.

So what’s the deal? Is being yourself attractive? Is it being aloof that appeals to women? It works for guys in high school. Their silence allows girls to imagine they are mysterious and brimming with romantic ideas. Deep thoughts are attributed to silent men, when they’re really thinking things like, “Where’s the remote?” and “I need to scratch.” 

I don’t believe that loneliness alone would drive a woman to pay special attention to a man who sleeps when spoken to so I asked some people who know my dad what would possess a nice woman to pay him special attention. “He’s little, he looks loveable,” said one person. “Your father’s still a handsome man,” said another.  I’ll let you know how the next appointment goes.